


But in reality I’m a lying man

by ShimadaGenji



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Not Beta Read, SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 111 AND UP, What-If, character death mention, i just got off ep 112 and went off on this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:33:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27040543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShimadaGenji/pseuds/ShimadaGenji
Summary: A man wakes up from a grave surrounded by strangers.He hopes for his friends, this time.He really does—I miss Molly you guys
Comments: 6
Kudos: 47





	But in reality I’m a lying man

**Author's Note:**

> UUH THEY DIDNT SEND MOLLY A MESSAGE SO THIS IS MY THEORY AND ITS CANON UNTIL They message him  
> Sorry if its not good i might be in denial i just miss him so much

Why?

He breathed deeply, chest trembling as he struggled to pull air in properly.

His arms shook as he coughed, bent over himself, hands digging the dirt beneath his fingers.

_ Why? _

He gasped in more air, trying to control the spams that coursed through him.

This couldn’t be happening.

He died.

He died  _ again _ .

He knew it. He  _ remembered  _ it. Remembered his last moments, the stabbing pain in his chest, the cold snow around him. 

It had been  _ worth it. _

Because he always thought of himself as living on borrowed time anyway. So he lived every day he had with all he got. He acted stupid and had fun and pushed people’s buttons and he made his life a spetacle. 

He left every place he went better than he found it.

And he regretted nothing.

That was the point of living like that.

Another set of wet coughs hacked through his body. He spit and there was a mixture of earth and something dark and metallic.

He didn’t regret dying. He’d do it all over again if it meant his friends were safe.

His friends…

So why…

A hand rubbed between his shoulder blades and he held back a whine as his body protested and ached all over from being buried for so long.

_ Why _ was this happening to him?

“There, there.” Cree rubbed his back gently. “You’ve been gone for a while. It’ll take some time to recover. I got you.”

Why were  _ these  _ people here?  **_Why?_ **

Why was…  _ Lucien _ ’s past still coming for him? Why couldn’t he be just fucking gone and done for. Why couldn’t he just be  _ free _ from that bastard?

_ What had he done to deserve it? _

A strand of saliva dripped from his mouth. He clenched his teeth tightly, as tight as he could, breathing heavily through his nose, a wheezing noise escaping him as he did.

He tried so hard. He didn’t deserve any of this. Mollymauk Tealeaf could have been an absolute ass, but he never meant wrong. He had tried. He had tried so hard to be better. 

He woke up from the ground again but this time he was surrounded by demons.

It felt like a punishment.

“Come on. We need to get you some clean clothes. With everyone here, we’re finally ready to keep going.”

Cree helped him to his feet and he grunted. Another person helped him too, draping one of his arms over their shoulder while his other was laid over Cree’s.

He hated it. He didn’t want them to touch him. He wanted to be gone. 

There were strangers to him. Cree, the person holding him, everyone else gathered around cleaning the rest of the ritual they performed.

Where was the Mighty Nein? Where was Yasha?

He watched a stranger grab something off his coat, inspecting it before tossing it aside, his coat left on the muddy ground.

He was being taken away. He didn’t want to lose it all again.

Where  _ were _ them? They had to be fine. They wouldn’t  _ leave  _ him behind, right? Buried in the ground again to wake up to hell. He didn’t do anything  _ wrong _ this time. He didn’t deserve it this time.

Yasha? Beau? Caleb? Nott? Fjord? Jester?

Gustav?

His breath wavered as he held back the tears that threatened to spill, sniffing loudly and gasping out air.

“It’s ok.” Cree said pitifully. “It’s a lot to take in, you’ll be fine, Lucien. I’ve got you.”

_ Why? _

It was okay. He was a con man. He could play along, he’d make it work, like he always did. No plans, just…

They’d come for him. He just had to wait for a bit. He could play along until then.

Just a bit.

They’d come. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please talk to him please please please


End file.
